2008


Signed copy? Yours for only £29    | 2008-01-28
After my very slight rant about cheapo copies of The Well-Tempered Clavier going on the market for £3, I have come across an example from the opposite...

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2008-01-28

Signed copy? Yours for only £29


After my very slight rant about cheapo copies of The Well-Tempered Clavier going on the market for £3, I have come across an example from the opposite end of the spectrum - signed copies of the book going for 29 quid on Ebay!

Just click here to see Gralat’s great offer …

Gralat, from Middlesex, not only includes a tasteful picture of the book on his (her?) coffee table - thus:

… but I do believe that Idle Tom the publisher could take a few tips from Gralat on salesmanship.

Gralat pitches the book as if it’s of primary importance in the fiction world … “a first edition, first print paperback (no hardback as yet published).”

I like that “as yet”. And come to think of it, the hard back version IS coming out soon - the large print version for the libraries and the partially sighted.

Tragically, Gralat herself has not read the book, revealing that it’s “brand new, totally unused and in immaculate fine condition”.

She doesn’t know what she’s missing …

And now a taster of what we have for you tomorrow:


Cornering the second-hand market    | 2008-01-26
About once a week I check out my page on Amazon.co.uk, just to verify that The Well-Tempered Clavier hasn’t sunk without trace. I can report that my ...

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2008-01-26

Cornering the second-hand market


About once a week I check out my page on Amazon.co.uk, just to verify that The Well-Tempered Clavier hasn’t sunk without trace.

I can report that my doughty little ship is still afloat - just - and is still the Perfect Partner for my ex-wife’s book Daisy Dooley.

I sense it in my waters that the pair of us are due to be twinned together for a long time yet - not just with this book but any other books that we might have published.

While I’m on Amazon, I also check out the reviews (all 14 of them and counting). Thank you very much indeed to the readers who’ve helped get me 4 1/2 stars out of five.

But one of the slightly irksome things about my Amazon listing is the number of second-hand books that are on sale for “£2.99 - Just like new!” and “£3.31 - Used like new!”

What I can’t get out of my mind is this picture of these people very carefully reading the book, not dog-earing the pages, not scuffing the spine, so that as soon as they’re finished, they can go and flog the book on the net.

It’s the complete opposite of me. I am a total book-junkie, and have book-shelves going up to the ceiling (and it’s a high ceiling, I can tell you, close to 14-feet).

But there’s only one way to deal with these second-hand booksellers. I’m going to buy up every single copy of the Clavier. Give me a month, and I’ll have cornered the market.


More celeb pictures please.    | 2008-01-25
Idle Tom the publisher has been tickled by this age-old picture of me with the internationally famous author Jordan. “It all helps,” he said. “You ne...

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2008-01-25

More celeb pictures please.


Idle Tom the publisher has been tickled by this age-old picture of me with the internationally famous author Jordan.

“It all helps,” he said. “You never know, some of Jordan’s glory may rub off on you.”

“I might even end up in OK! magazine with her,” I said. “Wouldn’t that be a triumph?”

I could sense from the silence at the other end of the phone that Idle Tom was giving this thought some serious consideration. But instead he was to move onto another tack altogether. “You must have met quite a few celebs when you were on The Sun, Bill,” he said.

“Sworn at by quite a few of them too. Elton John was probably the worst.”

“I’m sure. And what I was wondering was …”

“Am I going to hear another Tommy corker?”

“Have you got any more pictures featuring you with other celebrities?”

“And maybe we could just Mac in a picture of The Well-Tempered Clavier, as if the celeb just happened to be holding a copy?”

“Love it!”

“Just joking about that one, actually Tommy. But I’ll see if I can find a few pix for you. Certainly got some of me with Fergie; and Sir Cliff; and Elton John; and Chris de Burgh -”

“And did they all really swear at you?”

“The things they said to me, Tommy, would have made your hair curl.”


More on THAT Jordan picture …    | 2008-01-24
Some amazed reactions to the fact that our foremost topless model, Jordan - aka Katie Price author of “Crystal” - should be seen hobnobbing with riff...

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2008-01-24

More on THAT Jordan picture …


Some amazed reactions to the fact that our foremost topless model, Jordan - aka Katie Price author of “Crystal” - should be seen hobnobbing with riff-raff like me.

I called up a mate, Mark Pilbrow, to tell him the good news.

“Just dug up an old picture from my Sun days,” I told Mark. “You can see it on my blog. I’m snuggling up to one of Britain’s bestselling authors.”

“Who’s that then, your ex-wife?”

“As it happens no,” I said. Although initially vexed, my emotions were soon swept aside by a most troublesome thought. “You don’t think her book Daisy Dooley is already a bestseller?”

“If not now, then it certainly will be when the TV series comes out in America.”

“Probably. Well …” I sought the silver lining. “Well just so long as The Well-Tempered Clavier remains Daisy’s perfect partner, then I may yet be able to hang onto her coat-tails.”

Mark then asked, “So who is the bestselling author in this picture?”

“It’s Katie Price - Jordan to you. Second on the left.”

“Good old Jordan. She can really churn those books out. They’re amazing. Every one of them sells over 100,000 copies. She’s got a book out next month, you know, “Pushed to the Limit”, I think it’s called.”

“Lovely.”

“And if memory serves, I think she’s got another bestseller due out in July called “Angel Unleashed”.”

“Brilliant.”

“And to think of all her modelling commitments, and her children, and her charity work. She must be writing about three books a year -”

“I think you’re using the word “writing” in the loosest possible sense.”

“And she’s married to that very demanding Peter Andre too, and she has to spend a lot of time posing for the glossies. She must have a real God-given talent.”

He’d goaded me too far. I couldn’t stop myself: “So do you think she’s actually read any of these books?”


Britain’s bestselling author … and me    | 2008-01-23
How very galling: Not just a picture of me with four Sun Page Three girls, but me with one of Britain’s biggest selling authors! No kidding! This pict...

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2008-01-23

Britain’s bestselling author … and me


How very galling: Not just a picture of me with four Sun Page Three girls, but me with one of Britain’s biggest selling authors! No kidding!

This picture must have been taken about 13 years ago, during my days as a Sun staff reporter. Observe the dark blue suit, black shoes and hint of a pager which were all part of a Sun hack’s uniform.

Observe also the “Cat-with-the-cream” smile; slightly understandable, perhaps, considering the beauties on my arms and the fact that we were all outside the swanky Brown’s hotel.

The blonde girl, second from the right, was Dannii Coles. (My sister. Not.)

I think the one on the left was a former Page Three girl of the year - Claire-Louise she might have been. Maybe Marie-Louise.

Far right - I think she was Beverly.

But take a look at the tall young woman, second from the left.

Ring any bells?

You wouldn’t believe it, but she is now one of Britain’s best-selling authors. Her latest novel outsold the entire Booker prize short list last year.

Still don’t recognise her?

Well - she has had one or two boob ops since I last saw her … but that woman is Jordan, author of “Crystal”.

Shame I don’t still have her number so that we can talk about tricks of the trade …